My Year End Recap 2024. Life and Growth

Life

I will never understand some things. No matter how many times they’re explained to me. And that’s okay.

A day is just a division of time that will happen and when its span bleeds away and into the next, it will never exist again. Perpetually moving forward and you can’t stop to get off no matter how badly you want to. When you never stop, it’s hard to know where you are. Does anyone really know or even know to ask where they are in the universe? The one thing I do understand, is that I don’t have to understand. I know where and who I am, where I’m not and who I’m not. For life is good.

Work

Spending over 15 years in the corporate world, being treated as an account number of an account payable to a company, it’s not a place I miss. I’m cruising at the wheel of a career on the ascendency. I never saw myself in the cannabis industry. Much less a small company competing and doing well against the deeper pockets and shady tactics of larger competitors. Becoming the person with the answers and entrusted with directive and financial decisions. It’s nice to be in a position where my advice is sought and I’m included in future plans. I’m apparently important enough for people to want to take me to lunch “to discuss a business collaboration.”

And the women in the company recognize me as an ally; someone who helps to cultivate a safe environment of equality. And to promote, and empower them in a male-dominated industry.

It’s not just the women who work under and with me. It’s also the women who enjoy my presence and invite me to their functions. But don’t take my word for it…

Not all the days of a year tasted of honey. The month of April was a long day. The words “yesterday” and “tomorrow” lost meaning for some unremembered stretch of time. That ”day” was spent under florescent hospital lights, listening to the drone of medical machines and repeating alarms and watching my father suffer and writhe in pain at the end of a dozen different tubes. Experiencing this while trying to care for a distraught mother and sister. I made it through, somehow. And thanks to medical science, so did he. I know now who I get my stoicism from. He’s doing well and enjoying another birthday today as of writing this paragraph (12/29).

Travel

Not much mileage. But having literally been around the world, I can appreciate what’s close as well the potentialities of what lies down more horizons.

Two trips to Las Vegas.

I don’t really remember the last time I went to Las Vegas with others. Seeing the reactions of others was nice. Navigating the labyrinth that is The Strip, we wasted no time and only got lost when we wanted to. Seeing genuinely happy faces next to and because of me feels good.

Las Vegas on company money is even better.

When the boss pays for the tab at fancy restaurants and has access to rooftop parties, it unlocks new experiences in a place I’ve been to dozens of times. The rooftop party was about as uninteresting as I was expecting. A bunch of old white guys in suits trying to tell you how their company can do whatever they do better and for less. It’s interesting being on the side holding the money instead of the side trying to grab the bag. We ate, took a few photos, and happily departed the open air party for a less stuffy scene.

A few itineraries are locked in for 2025. Some new destinations and maybe even a return to others. The river of time takes me to the departure date one day at a time.

TV and (Social) Media

Not much here. And I’m kind of happy about that. The next sections are why.

Health

A sound mind in a strong and healthy body. This year led me to refocus on my physical and mental health and fitness. Spending more time staying productive. Receiving compliments on my physique and weight from familiar faces and strangers. My current routine leaves me feeling like a better version of my old self.

Reading

Last year, I read 20 books. I usually shoot for 24 books or 10,000 pages. This year I read 40 books. A new personal record. All physical or digital. No audiobooks. What really matters is that I’m enjoying myself and have no regrets about all the hours spent in a book instead of scrolling my life away on a screen.

Shogun – James Clavell – 1300 pages
The Perks of Being a Wallflower – Stephen Chbosky – 224
Station Eleven – Emily St. John Mandel – 333
The Phoenix Guards – Steven Brust – 365
Annihilation – Jeff VanderMeer – 195
Never Let Me Go – Kazuo Ishiguro – 288 (Reread)
The Ocean at the End of the Lane – Neil Gaiman – 118 (Reread)
Martyr! – Kaveh Akbar – 331
Authority – Jeff VanderMeer – 340
Later – Stephen King – 230
The Bear & the Nightingale – Katherine Arden – 368
Acceptance – Jeff VanderMeer – 340
The Girl in the Tower – Katherine Arden – 346
Cujo – Stephen King – 392
You Like it Darker – Stephen King – 502
Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism – Amanda Montell – 310
The Lazarus Project – Aleksandar Hemon – 292
Hyperion – Dan Simmons – 481
How Fascism Works: The Politics of Us and Them – 221 (Reread)
The Ruins – Scott Smith – 370
Red Rising – Pierce Brown – 382
Swan Song – Robert McCammon – 862
Waylander – David Gemmell – 380
A Head Full of Ghosts – Paul Trembley – 200
Slewfoot – Brom – 305
The Planet of the Apes -Pierre Boulle – 235
The Spellshop – Sarah Durst – 384
The Last Town – Blake Crouch – 320
I Am Legend + Other Stories – Richard Matheson – 444
The Giver – Lois Lowry – 240
Boy’s Life – Robert McCammon – 610
Soulless – Gail Carriger – 370
The Vegetarian – Han Kuang – 288
Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory – Raphael Bob-Waksburg – 250
The Little Liar – Mitch Albom – 300
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil – John Berendt – 390
The City and It’s Uncertain Walls – Haruki Murakami – 450
Starter Villain – John Scalzi – 210
Interview With the Vampire – Anne Rice – 351
The Stranger – Albert Camus – 134

Total pages: 14,451

Some favorites in no particular order: Shogun, Station Eleven, Rattlesnakes (from You Like it Darker), Cultish, Hyperion, The Ruins, Swan Song, The Planet of the Apes, I Am Legend, Boy’s Life, Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory, The Little Liar, The City and It’s Uncertain Walls, and The Stranger.

I don’t know if I’ll achieve this number again. But I don’t have to.

Growth

Having dominion over your own actions and choices in life, though difficult and complex at times, is far, far better than a life and youth siphoned by those with both the desire and ability to use another for selfish gain. Nobody thinks for or makes decisions for me. I don’t have to pretend to be happy or fake feelings and I don’t look for answers or happiness in other people.

And the fact that my life, financially, mentally, physically, is better than it has ever been, is vindication that I’m making the right decisions on the best path. I walk through an stress-free and lucrative career. I support a healthy and happy family and am supported by a cohesive family of authentic friends. I’m armored by unconditional respect and love from those who matter. I have both the desire and ability help those who ask and who need.

Within and around the events that are out of my control, my response is my power. We wonder why we suffer and don’t even realize how happy we are until we suffer again. I guess the philosophical question of why we suffer it’s not something to be solved. Neither does the question of our happiness. If anyone has ever questioned the good things. Suffering and happiness will exist with or without our attempts to understand them. When they come, survive suffering and hoard happiness. Remember how you survived suffering, and relive remembered happiness. Damage doesn’t always take something away. Damage can make us complete.

The best trait reinforced this year is that I recognize how to think instead of merely accepting or being told what to think. And some people will never learn the difference.